It is in the Hands We Hold that We Find the Ties that Bind!

February 12, 2014 Follow-up below (It is in the Hands We Hold that We Find the Ties that Bind)

(Original Post: Wednesday, November 6, 2013)

Whole-Life" Relationships: Placing One Foot in Front of the Other
by Bobbie Wright Grogan

Sometimes in life, all we can do to get through our emotionally-charged lives and hectic schedules is to simply focus on the here and now. We all go through hard times. Heck, we all go through terrible times. Just think back over your life when something just floored you, took away your world as you had known it at the time, such as a death in your family or a prolonged, debilitating illness that made you realize how fortunate you have been during those months and years of health beforehand. Maybe you lost a job as the primary breadwinner of your family, or you were slapped in the face by the betrayal of a friend or loved one. Some things cut us deeply and shake us to the core of our beings. Some things leave us numb and unresponsive to the minor, more routine components of our daily lives. Still, other occurrences can just sap our energy to the point we are sure we will not be able to function or even get ourselves out of the bed the next day.

It is because of the hectic and chaotic nature of the grind of our daily lives, that we suffer so much when something terrible happens. Life is too busy for most people to enjoy anymore, and this is especially true for new parents or parents, grandparents, and guardians of school-aged children. We have so much going on at work, school, extracurricular activities, and other fluff and chaos that we have gotten ourselves involved in, that our mundane chores become easy to ignore. This is especially true in times of crisis. We HAVE to go to work. We HAVE to go to school. We HAVE to be a mother, father, or guardian of our children, although our busy schedules often prevent us from being the kind of parents that the kids NEED us to be. What should be placed on the back burner in times of crisis should be the things we feel we HAVE to do outside the home. What I am saying is that we need to be able to slow down enough in life to grieve when we need to grieve, love when we have someone to love, and uplift others who need uplifting in their current circumstances, and hold the hands of those who matter to us most. We need to be able to build stock in the relationships in life that actually will enhance your life not stress your life by sucking your precious time away from what should be our primary relationships.

It is way too easy with Social Media nowadays to focus on those menial cyber relationships when our "primary" and vital relationships are suffering, because of it. We get sucked in to "reading" up on others' gossip and grapevines so much, that we feel we MUST make it a daily part of our functional lives, but most of the connections are void of the primary relationships we need to maintain meaning and balance within us and our households. Our spouses need us, our kids need us, our aging relatives need us, and WE need ourselves back. We need to put stock in those things truly valuable in life, not someone who can and will eventually click the 'defriend" button when they disagree with the stance you take on politics, religion, or other controversial topics. Think about how many times we have disagreed with those people in our primary relationships. Most of the time, you have to agree to disagree, if you want to keep nurturing the relationship. You have to sit down and work things out. You have to TALK, specifically, talk with your mouth and not with your typing or texting fingers. You must connect in a much deeper way when it's done in person.

I know this post seems a bit random, but the point I am trying to make is this: When life gets tough or when life is going well, you are not going to base the value in your life on the relationships that aren't made of "lasting" material. You are generally not going to make much progress by just trying to exist the way we have been conditioned to exist in our modern society. You will not lie on your death-bed and wish you had spent more time at work rubbing elbows with your boss or co-workers, or writing the perfect mass-memo to your company employees. You will not lie there and think how meaningful your life was, based on the number of "likes" you received on your Facebook posts or based upon how many people "followed" you on Twitter. No, you will look to those significant, meaningful PRIMARY relationships to glean the value of life. What legacy will you leave with them? What will they do because of what you did for them during your time together? Will your children get married and ignore their spouses and children in lieu of getting that perfectly funny status posted? Will they seek a career that drains them to the point they have no energy left over for their loved ones who need them? Will money be their focus or will they focus on what they can do for others with that money? Will they spend the majority of their waking hours with people that are not concerned about their well-being, as we do in our careers and numerous extracurriculars we require ourselves to participate in? What will they believe in? More importantly, WHO will they believe in, because of you? What lessons have they learned from you that are worth passing down to the generations that follow them?

You see, when those hard times hit, and they WILL hit again and again, we should turn to those who need us and those we need, not to the people that must be updated online or in the office. We trudge forward in bad times, trying so hard not to let our sadness and pain shine through to those who really don't care about us either way. We shouldn't take the time that loved ones, especially children and spouses, need of us. We really should be laughing with loved ones, crying with loved ones, and "sharing" our lives with loved ones, instead of the ones we call "friends" or "followers." We ALL have days that it's all we can do to put one foot in front of the other, just as we HAVE to do while at work or outside activities we choose to do. Our energy should go into something more lasting, something amazingly special, something called "whole-life" relationships. Those are the ones that matter. Those are the ones we should be saving our energy for. Those are the ones that LAST!

Follow-up, February 12, 2014:

“It is in the hands we hold that we find the ties that bind.”  

~ Bobbie Wright Grogan

I took the above photo on a trip a few years back when my family went to visit with my sister, Stephanie, in Islamorada, Florida.  Shown left to right are the following family members: sister, daughter, husband, son, and father.   I love the way the photo embodies to me what true "FAMILY" should be...connected together and united in love.

Life is too short to dwell on the negative; focus on the positive. God wants us all as His Children to be happy in Him and His Will for our lives. When you walk hand in hand with Jesus, He will show us very clearly the things we ought to do and not to do with his leading hand. He also speaks to those who ‘listen,’ but it takes a true servant of God to take His words and put them into action in our own individual lives.  I aim to accomplish this wise objective in my own walk with Jesus Christ.      ~ Bobbie